寧鳴而死,不默而生。

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

生活家


TT's design

大概五年前, 港大文學院, 趕到一間不易找的課室, 一房子文學院學生, 擠不進。大家對許鞍華的導修課趨之若鶩, 又只有這一組,早被超頞認購。我只有在門外乾著急,等候發落,與身邊的人面面相覷。就在這一剎,看到她,友人郭。從來沒有忘記第一次遇見她的感覺。是她,我心目中讀文學者應有的氣質,就是這種。個子高高, 一身薄衣裳,真有點脫俗。(當然,其後感覺怎變,而她當真有多高作另論,嘻)

接下來有緣共事,看著她一步步邁向理想。獨力統籌一場有她所喜歡樂隊,又全院滿座的音樂會、留學日本、一級榮譽畢業、成為樂隊主音等。你會驚覺,脫俗的不只其外表。

另一友人,
可樂何,她和郭倆是蘇眉。沒記錯的話,第一次遇上她是在音樂社房門外,應是什麼「傾莊」(現在對一切大學生術語都異常反感)。她獨坐在梳化上, 手持可樂(可能是我想像的),兇巴巴的坐著。對,是兇巴巴瞪著她一雙貓眼,頗有個性的。好教我不敢上前攀談,又懷疑自己可有得罪過她,哈哈!

事後方知道,外表冷酷的她,心地善良,藝術才華橫溢,當時一手包辦全年的宣傳。對她佩服不已。她畢業一直為理想打併,為香港的人文藝術出力,這是修讀藝術者的風範。

她倆尊重生活,知行合一,敢作敢為,愛恨分明,是為生活家!

P.S. 這是回應友人郭日前的
精緻小品,我太愛其開首,比喻得太好了!還有多謝可樂何年來寄來的自拍明信片,和郭剛寄到新鮮熱辣一大郵包,龍應台的《野火集》及The Marshmallow Kisses 的唱片絕對是吾所愛。她倆對我一直的鼓勵就是我精神上的杯杯香淳espresso,濃縮得來卻又是支持我上路的及時雨。

縱使難得眾首,各自在一己的生活流,但真就是真!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

在那片草地



那天,陽光很璀璨,有點微風。

那裡是一大片緣油油的草地,風吹在花草上,它們一列列地搖搖擺擺,細訴著天地間的生生不息。主人翁的親友都穿得衣冠楚楚,像趕赴什麼宴會似的。宴會上,大家分享著他生前的逸事,種種往事仿如昨天才發生。沒有人太過傷感,歲月留給各人對世情的一點洞見; 沒有不許人間見白頭,他早就童顏白髮; 沒有天妒英才, 這只如季節變遷、日出日落,皆必然。

早選定的樂章響起。大家呷著他出生那個年份的葡萄酒,也是他安排好的。有人不禁哭起來,想起這些驪歌對他的意義; 想起與他之間的絲點憶記; 想起他的一張笑臉; 想起他一些未完的抱負; 想起那個年份。眾人分別到棺前作道別,放下朵朵鮮花,灑下一度又一度芳醇的紅光, 留下最後的思念。

這夜,容我寫下故事的終章。結局既定,還有何怕?請引領我精采地走到那片草地。

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Big head begins


Batman Begins


Facing my fear. Having decided this is going to be my theme of the year, if not the whole life's, then I happen to have watched this somewhat inspirational movie, Batman begins. The main theme of the movie is about how the main character, who become Batman later on in his life, facing his own fear and learning how to master it. Surely there is no way my fear could possibly parallel his, he watched his parents killed by a mugger, but I like this movie a lot. It is not cheesy and tacky at all, in fact, it's a lot darker than any other superhero motion picture. I reckon 'Batman Begins' is even better than 'Batman', the first ever Batman movie, which directed by the talented Tim Burton.

Gotham city in the movie was mainly based on Kowloon Walled City in Hong Kong which were torn down in 1994. What if the Colonial government had the vision to keep the city and turn it into a giant museum? I think the money generating won't be any less than what we now and will earn from Disney world. Maybe I am exaggerating a little bit, but at least those who come for the historic monument won't be climbing into it in case it's too crowded. (It was fucking shocking and somehow hilarious to read the news about those people trying to climb into Disney world the other day. Have they got any idea what the fuck they are doing? They are retarded, no doubt about that. Correct me if I'm wrong, one of them even try to push his own son over the fence!? No way, it can't be his biological son, it must be his wife cheated on him or something, that's why he hated his "son" so much and try to kill him by doing this shit. God, he's a genius. Perfect crime indeed. Come on, please stop this absurdity for fuck's sake. I'm totally fed up with what's been happening in Hong Kong these days.)

Anyway, here is one of the lines I like in the movie.
“It's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you.”

Potential counts for nothing! I've got to bear this in mind.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

This is a rather widely known speech given by Steve Jobs at Stanford University. I found it really inspiring, so I want to spread it. The text is quite long indeed, yet it's worth reading. I think Steve (sound like I knew him personally) wouldn't mind me,who has just got a new ipod from his company, to post his wise thoughts here.


This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I retuned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.Thank you all very much.