通告一則

本人: 還有投訴,為何連結沒有我的blog?
高比:如果你可以做到每星期至少貼出一篇文字﹐那我就連上你的blog。嘿 有見及此,寡人現公告天下。本blog將每星期至少貼出三篇文字, 務求以最快速度令高比老師連上吾blog。以彌補吾之幼時,作文少有貼堂之遺憾。

雜想

在咖啡室的音樂下,看著一縷縷煙緩緩升起,咖啡因又再催化。時光頃刻凝住了。如果可以跟命運談條件,可否於生命最後的一刻想到這幕? 我相信,有些記憶是永誌難忘的。我更深信有一部份的自己是不會改變。

?A knight's tale? Jocelyn: Damn your pride, William. It is you and only you that will not see you run.
William: My pride is the only thing that they can't take from me.
Jocelyn: They can take it away from you, they can and they will. Oh, they will. But love they cannot take.

回憶就是愛,它們充滿愛。家人的愛;另一半的愛;朋友的愛。若然命運首肯,能讓這些回憶伴隨我嗎?即使只是追憶和思念,即使許多已離去。

要是我是?半支煙?的落山豹,寧願我從來沒擁有過。這只會有渴望的心癢,而不會有失去的痛苦。

開始懂得?Big Fish??父親的感受,他是幸福的,一生有無數傳奇回億。縱使似真似假,也都幻化成生命的一章奇遇。自己落幕的一章,能如劇中人,有一生所珍惜的人物,護送我乘浪而去嘛? 要是我在今天離去,我將後悔不已。沒有盡力待身邊人不特止,還未好好地感激他們的厚愛。

家人,使我在最富足的環境下長大,在最充裕的資源上學習。我竟想不出有任何需要是缺少的,從幼年到現在,無一或缺;

朋友,傑說得對,他說不明白為何我會有這麼多知心好友。以我慢熱和寡言的性格,有一班好友相伴支持,已是今生無憾。那怕再遇不上其他朋友,有你們已是命運的萬般眷顧;

愛人,無法亦不敢想沒有妳,剛過去的四年會是什麼光景。無論結局何樣, 感激妳;有妳,我活過,存在過。

經常有著同一個夢,記得的都有好幾十次。夢見自己被困大廈電梯內,雖如常地按下十五字,但它不曾在十五打開。門永遠停開在其他層數,我又偏不願意踏步離開,以為它終會於理想地為我開啟。我可是知道只消幾層功夫, 十五也能達到, 只因自己不敢腳踏實地, 邁前走那些未知路。結果是繼續浮沉和自困, 好幾趟都釀成意外。 有時在電梯中, 會遇上不同的人,有家人、朋友、陌生人。他們都默默地一起冒險,去等那從不曾為我而開的電子門。

昨夜失眠後,又發上這夢,令我不斷反思其啟示。希望夢魘會消失吧。

在?Analyse this?, 一幕Robert De Niro 看到一個非常行貨,賣弄天倫之樂的煽情保險廣告,他不其然就激動流淚。相類似的情況會發生在身上,可幸程度輕得多,主要是會莫明其妙地感動起來。是壓力使然罷了。

然而相對Wendy, 以及其他在謀生活的好朋友,我所謂的壓力又算什麼?只嘆自己太懦弱!

這段日子也真胡思亂想多了,暫時的結論是只要悄一不慎,我是會庸庸碌碌過一生。即管放膽繼續自我毀滅。猶記得Keith和我,那夜在酒吧談上一整晚何謂眼高手低。自己這個眼高手低,志大才疏的窩襄癈,終一生只會空有懷才不遇之恨。然而懷才豈會不遇?壞才就不遇,只能怪自己不是才。

接下年半的成敗,影響關鍵。要是依然失敗, 窩襄癈深深地知道:

「He would not amount to anything much.」

要是如願以償,那只是邁向理想的小小小小小小步。

Seriously! 

Foods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Gimme some eatable foods, please. 

仨

錢鍾書對其家人說以後不再要生離,只會有死別。我漸明白他們仨的感受。然而明白又豈及親身去領略並體會。 但人生的陰暗和無奈離我還會遠嗎?

The man of tomorrow is forced by his battles today.

Joanne

Time after time, I have been thinking the very last time I saw you and what you have said. This is what keeps me going in one way, and it always will. Three years go by, I made a hell of a run. If you could see that, this is probably not what you expected. Me neither.

If I were with you, might be things would not turn out the way it was. I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have let our intimate friendship fall apart. They could not tried this shit if I were there.

Why were you fading in such a mist?

And you were so close to see your dreams. I couldn't stop picturing how you would be if we were able to turn the table.
I know how it'd be. Believe me, I know.

I would never forget the day my phone rung.
I miss you.